BITS AND PIECES

As I am beginning to feel the need of having an extra source of income, I'm glad God hears my call. He's is so good!

Just got a new "raket" as what we term it. I've got to write for some segments of a 30-minute TV show aired on one local channel. Thanks to franz! who believed in me! weee!!! I missed writing so much... I am so much pre-occupied with post production works that I guess, I really need to refresh with writing.

They gave me 3 segments to start with and yeah.. it pays well though. Still keeping in mind that I have to do good.. so as not to fail my friend... *wink*

Then after I had mailed them the first story that I wrote, I am so much delighted to received a message from them that they liked my work! wee!! Much more with the remaining 2 stories. It just feels so good that other people appreciate your work...

Aside of course with the extra income (they pay me for every story that I write), I'm happy that i'm into writing again...


I hope this would be a good start with them... sana magtuloy tuloy na....

Why do we tend to loose ourself to someone we already knew we can't exactly have? Why is it pretending becomes so easy when deep inside us it hurts to act like everything's ok? The very fact that this person who pulled our heart's string has already beed tagged by another person draws us apart from where we stand. And sometimes, the moments you're wishing to happen for the longest time of your life comes at the wrong time. When you have no choice but to let it go.

Still, you can't help but to keep a little hope in your head. Contented with the present situation and subconciously hoping for more....

When will this agony ends? Where will this hurting lead to? How many times more will I come across this ungratified emotions? When will I be fair enough to face the real truth?

Oh, well.. nobody can tell. This is just a piece of something I should be over by now. What matters now is the trust I have gained from someone which I know I have abondoned for a while. I should regain it even before that someone knows.

I have been bad.. been a bitch lately... a different person from what I knew myself as. And now I am thinking...

Wondering.... it feels good to be different... sometimes...

Today marks the 9th year anniversary of the most humiliating story of my life...

October 14, 1996...
TIME : around 2:00 pm
PLACE: Welcome, Rotonda (That place where Burger King is now.. but that time it was only a vacant lot and a small Dunkin Donut Store on the corner)

Yes! it was the most humiliating part of my life! A moment I would never, ever forget in my entire life.

It was my besty who witnessed everything... well, I should say, took part on some of the incident. And it was because of her why I was there. I remember Shakey's España, that jeepney ride along España road up until Welcome, Rotonda, Celine Dion (Falling Into You album), and of course, that Dunkin Donut Store.

Since as I said, it was the most embarassing part of me, I better not divulge the whole story.. you might want to ask my besty but I guarantee you, she'll keep her mouth shut. Right, nik??

And that incident brought the bond that we have now... as bestfriends...

And oh! I still have that stuff with me until now... sealed on my closet... *wink*

The very sense of the word "independence" ... at first i thought as simple now seems to be more complicated. I know a lot of people who are dying to get this... especially the young ones who are craving for their freedom... for doing what they want... without any hesitations and compromises from their parents.

It was merely a decision for myself to be independent. Of course, I should be. Right after my mom left me... and my dad has to concentrate on other "things", there's nobody left for me to depend on. I should do it on my own. I have to survive... and I wanted to prove something... whatever it is...

It was hard... really HARD. Believe me, I have to undergo a lot of challeneges that I almost give in... thinking and asking myself: "did I really made the right decision?". But then I thought, whatever it is that I choose, I have to stand up on it and prove to everybody else including myself that I CAN DO THIS! That I can make my Life....

Moments I haven't experienced when my mom was still with me arises the very moment I stepped into the real world. Financially, emotionally, every aspect of my life has changed. I have to live differently from before. Now I have to be more responsible.

I work hard to pay for my living... rent, food, clothes, groceries, household need, pang-gimik, and those "sometimes" I give to my relatives in need. It feels so good to have my own income, without depending on anybody else. I have debts once at a time, but I can easily pay for them.
I go out with my friends... watch movies, malls, night-outs, bars, gimiks... I can go wherever I want, I can do whatever I want...

RESPONSIBILITY. The very word that I am carrying all through this. Everybody tells me: "you have to be responsible in your actions". Yeah right! But I guess it is not applicable only to me... but with everybody else...It just so happened that I am living all by myself. But, in all honesty, I know I have been handling this "responsibility" thing very well... so far... *wink*

It was also in this stage of my life when I learned who my true friends are and how true are the people that surrounds me. There are those who will only use you and there are those you will stick with you even on the steepest road.

I have some pitfalls too, in my life... some things that I never intended to do but somehow.. well adds up to my growth as well. Of course I also brought a lot of mess into my life... but it never occurs to me to felt any shyness at all... instead, I am glad I've experienced them and just brought me to where I am now...

Where I am now is an almost dream come true. I may not get what I really dreamt of but still... there's a lot more time to move and reach for it. I may not yet have proven my worth but as a person... deep inside myself... i believe... a part of me is worth keeping.

One of my closest officemates at 20+ just tied the knot with her honey last saturday.

As she walks along the aisle, I saw a very beautiful woman full of love in her heart and happiness surrounding her face. Knowing her so much makes me smile because I know that this is her happiest moment in her life. From all her past experiences, I guess she just deserve to be happy with this man she's going to be with in her entire life. The man who lovesd her more than anyone and anything else. I know everybody would agree with me...

And as they exchanged their "I do's", I wonder, she's just so lucky to find true love after a hurtful relationship. God is so great that he gave her what she deserves. Jojo is so lucky to have my friend...well. I guess both of them are lucky to have each other.

Then I thought, marriage is the time of our life when we have to take onother step, another level, another chapter of our life ... where we have to face a different world. It is when we decided to be with someone for our entire life. A big decision to make...na kelangan panindigan.

So much when I realized, it is a big world where I am, being single... more to explore... more to discover. Sometimes I told myself "It's happy being single"... having a relationship with someone, going out, being free... but... if that time comes when I have to get married, will I be ready for it?

I am actually excited seeing myself walking on that aisle.. as my man waits for me at the altar... when all my closest friends and relatives are there... when everybody smiles for us...but... what about after? The life after marriage?

*wink*

I was just so happy to see my friend contented with her life now... full of happy dreams... soon to have a wonderful family of her own....

now i am into a new place... someone has again came into my life... whom i knew is not exactly the man that I can have...

I am being unfair... i am hurting someone else's feelings... this is not right....

I know from the very start, complicated things could happen... but I allowed it still.

Now I'm torn.. between what should be the right thing to do and my hapiness....

which one should I choose?

haven't been so happy like this...

last night was one of the wonderful night I had...

:-)



Updates:

moved to a new apartment. A better one I guess... having the sense of "at home" feeling inside me. After all, it was a good move to make. Glad my friends are there to help me. From moving out my stuffs to the final cleaning of the new place. They were all great.

Thanks to Kuya Art, Kuya Chino, and Kuya Erwin from my INQ TV family for helping me from the transportation and that so-hard "pagbubuhat". Buti na lang mga macho sila... Kayang kaya! weee!!!!

To Yam, Net, and Seph... my angels who helped in cleaning the house. You were the best!

Nik... my besty... from saving me from my shortcomings. You know that besty!!! I love you so soooo much!

Still, I have a lot to make in my new place. One by one I know it will look more "homey"

Hope I couls post pics soon...