BITS AND PIECES

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Feeling much better now.. compared to yesterday. It was a not-so-good-that-comes-to-worst day for me. And even before yestarday began, Im kinda feeling low. For the reason of the said sadness, let me just keep it to myself... (because I know a lot of people would react if I do divulge it here...)

I know the solution and I know what would make me up... and it just happened earlier. So I guess, that's why Im a bit ok now... ok.. but not that fully recovered... still have the hung-ups and a little twist inside my brain...

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Will go to the gym later. This is my theraphy now.. and what happened to my "shopping is my theraphy" thing??? Hmm... have to set it aside for awhile... unless I really wanted to be broke for the rest of my life. And speaking of being broke, now I realized I had a lot of backlog bills to pay before this month ends... house rent, water bill, credit cards... and yeah... my gym fee. Kaya... isa rin ako sa mga tao dito sa ofc na nagdadasal ng "sana mabigay na ang midyear bonus namin"...

Still have a couple of trainings left with Marlo. I don't know when it would finally be over but so far, I still have to attend on that. I don't know but lately, seems that we have taken forgranted some training sessions and just rely on cardio exercises. I guess maybe because both of us are "busy" or whatever. Like last week, we only had one training session for the week compared before that we used to do it almost everyday. Though of course, we still hang-out together... after workout we still have this usual walk.. chats.. kulitans... which in a way releases the stress in me. Ewan ko lang sa knya. But im liking it.

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Oh... Bee, my ofcmate had just brought in branded brassieres on a much cheaper price... and we, girls, loved it! I actually got 4 kinds... and really I love it! At, may next batch pa daw!

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Im sleepy.. and now my thoughts are again about.... the reason why im feeling low....

and yeah!... did I say Im craving for chocolate mousse and banana strawberry fruitshake????

SETTING 1: MOI doing a 20-minute hand bike. My mind was hoping he would spot me in this place... which of course he did...he sat on the stationary bike beside me...

M: Good to see you here. Wat time ka dumating?
D: Kanina pa.. hmm.. bagong gupit ah!
M: Pangit?
D: Ayos lang... buhay pa?

And then goes the usual kulitan... blah! blah! blah... After a while he leaned over...

M: Pansin mo lahat sila dumaan at tinignan tayo?
D: Ows?
M: Im sure tayo na naman pinaguusapan nila
D: Yeah..
M: Hayaan mo lang...
D: O nga.. at least napapasaya natin sila

Can't get it.. what's the problem of us becoming close??? Helllooo????? Why are they so affected with what's going on with us? Like... hey! we're not doing anything wrong! we're just FRIENDS....

Is there something wrong with going out together everyday? Or walking together before going home? Is there something wrong with him going to my place and staying there up late... just making kwentuhan?? Wala naman di ba?

That's why napipilitan kami na magtago... kahit wala naman dapat itago... just so for things not to get too complicated...

SETTING 2: Same Night. Us walking on the way to the train station.

M: May nagtanong ba?
D: Ha?
M: May mga FI ba na nagtanong sayo tungkol sa atin?
D: Wala naman. E sayo?
M: Hmm.. wala naman. Pero alam mo naman mga utak ng mga un
D: E si SJ?
M: Ayos lang sa kanya yung sa atin.. Minsan lang may sumpong yun.

Then I stopped upon realizing something... why do we have to bother what other people think about us??? Besides, is there something existing as "us"???

Been sick for four (4) days now...and still don't know when will this agony end. Cough, colds and flu is killing me...

Tuesday I started to feel sick... but not minding it makes me rise to heat the next day. Still I went to work... and Wednesday night! I haven't slept at all... had pains all over my body joints and headache got me. I've taken Bioflu like every 4 hours and I swear I almost had the whole 10 capsules before I felt a little better yesterday. But not up until late afternoon.. when I have to ask for a halfday schedule so I could go home early because Im starting to feel ill again.

And now, im back to work.. still having a tingy feeling.. still feeling not-so-fine... glad tomrw would be a rest day...

Uso nga yata ang sakit ngayon...

Coz even my besty nikay got sick the past day (thank God, she's fine now!) and Marlo still has this cough which he had for almost 2 weeks now (mukang sa kanya ko nga yata nakuha to e) and last night he has this cramps in his stomach...then my other friend dhes has flu naman... my tita malou too also suffers from fever right now...

Hay....

Bakit kelangan pa kasing magkasakit????

you may not know it but I appreciate every little things that you do. And Im loving it...

making me list all the things im looking forward to everyday...

~ your smile (seeing those cute braces and ur dimples)
~ the way you massage my back
~ unending talks (we never run out of stories to tell)
~ our usual everyday walk (from "our meeting spot" to wherever we decided to stop)
~ the way you put your arms on my shoulder (yeah! and feeling my lymphnodes)
~ your corny jokes (which makes me laugh)
~ the way you stare at me (and my body... i dont know exactly what you're thinking)
~ and the way you look straight to my eyes
~ your everyday calls
~ our late night exchanging text messages
~ dealing with what other people think about us
~ and I guess we both like it
~ the way you say "sabay tayo ha"
~ how you asked me not to take a shower just so we could go out together
~ the way we hide our close relationship to everybody (coz it would complicate everything)
~ your way of motivating me
~ and you may not know it but you do motivates me
~ how we trusted each other
~ how we understand each other
~ the way you compliment me
~ your efforts on finding out infos about me
~ the way you appreciate me
~ the happiness I feel everytime we're together (and that's everyday)
~ scheduled and unscheduled dates
~ your biglaang hirit (na may halong patama...)
~ you coming to my house... and staying late...
~ being with you coz I feel safe
~ missing you
~ and telling me you miss me too

and a lot lot more.... everyday the list goes on and on... because everyday I come to know you better...

and because everyday you makes me feel important...

and special...

Its MOMMY's 4th year death anniversary... it's LOLA's birthday... and it's LOLO's 9th death day...

Deserves for a big celebration... the original "tag-team" are together again... in HEAVEN..

yup.. "TAG-TEAM!"... from Don Quijote days.. to Cavite... then Bulacan... back to Cavite... and now, up there... sila talaga ang original "berks"

Glad almost everyone are present...

Hay tita cora... sayang wala kayo....

Oh! and did I say ADVANCE HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, daddy???

and her too!!!

I JUST LOVOOVE KIDS!

(NOTE: this post should be published by tomrw... i may not be able to go online... so.. here's for the best mom i've ever known...)

JUNE 17, 2002

It has been 4 years since we've last talked. I wonder, how are you doing up there? Well, of course I know you're fine and all...still I wonder...

I remember, exactly four years ago...you said "ingat ka. wag mo kalimutan drumstick ko ha.." before I left for work. You always asks for that "magnolia drumstick" ice cream as a pasalubong. That was our favorite! Not to mention all other stuffs that we're fond of doing. I never thought that those would be the last words that I could ever hear from you... and the next time I saw you, you were there.. unable to talk to me anymore...

It was the darkest moment of my life. I thought it was the end of everything. Losing you was my greatest fear then. I thought that I can never go on without you. At that moment, I dont want to believe on what I saw. How I wish everything was just a bad dream... that in any second, I would wake up from a nightmare... and see you beside me... wearing your sweet smiling face. But it wasn't... it was a reality... and I am so drowned ...

sadness.. guilt... depression...

Because you're not only my mom... your my sister, my friend, my bestfriend... and you're even the mommy of all my friends... we shared secrets... we shared conspiracies... you understood me... in every little actions that I did... you took care of me.. so much that you'll give your everything just to satisfy my needs... I am your little baby... you loved me... more than yourself.

I remember how you took the day you've learned I had my first boyfriend. I thought you'll be mad at me but still you showed me how happy you were for us. You even treated him as your son... and I was very greatful to that. Yes, we kept that as a secret to Daddy and it was you who always thought of ways how he can't caught us.

I am even more greatful on how you accepted my friends and treated them as your own children too. You just don't know how much they loved and appreciated you the same way that you treated them.

Everything has changed since the day you left. Big changes I never imagined would happen.

I started living independently. I had a very hard time... oftentimes I wish you were here.. and I guess you saw me all the time that I was talking to you... I know you did... eventhough I can't see you, I can feel your presence... I knew you saw the tears that I shed... on my sole moments... on times that I almost gave up... but you always remind me to be strong.. because that is what you taught me.. and showed me...

But you know what, Daddy and I are closer now...we have these bonding times together... I can openly ask him about anything and everything... and I am happy.

Still, it's different when you are here. I have this guilt feeling that I wasn't able to give you all those dreams that we had... oftentimes i thought, now I can give you all that you want... financially, I am ok.. this is the best time to reward you from all the sacrifices you have done for me... but now, there's no way I can do that.

Whenever I go shopping, I remember you. Especially when I am surfing along home section. That was your favorite part of the mall, right? Buying home stuffs, decors, etc. Whenever I get something for my pad, I always wish you were with me.. to do the choice of which stuffs should I get.

I failed to say I LOVE YOU before you leave... it was not my nature to say those words to you and Daddy, you know that. And that eats up all my guilt. But I hope in some of my little ways, you were able to feel how much i love you... and i will always will.

Having a mom like you was the greatest blessing God has given me. I couldn't ask for more...

It's just sad that you are not here with me at this very moment... when everything seems to be so perfect... and I am very sure you would be the happiest person for me... but mommy, remember this: everything I have now... its all because of you. Because I know you never left me... you're just there guiding me in everything that I do...

And im sorry if sometimes, or more often, I did some stuffs you wouldn't allow me to if you're still here. I know you understood why I did those...

Here I am now... i hope you are still proud of me...

I terribly miss you mommy! So much, that I always wish I could have even a single second to see you... to be with you... to hug and kiss you...

and to say... I LOVE YOU.

bakit ba may mga taong ayaw pa rin akong tigilan? sobrang enjoy na enjoy silang pag-usapan ang buhay ko? ganun ba kakulay ang mundo ko ngayon at maraming nagagalak na himay-himayin ang mga pangyayari sa buhay ko?

kung gayon, sige lang. ipagpatuloy nyo lang hanggang magsawa kayo. sana lang wag makaapekto ito sa kaligayahang tinatamasa ko ngayon.

sana lang ay maging masaya kayo sa ginagawa nyo at sa mga gagawin nyo pa.

at kapag nagsawa na kayo... sana naman tigilan nyo na.


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new gym buddy...

my tito emil. he just signed up earlier for a passport account on this gym where I am. and it's good to have someone.. a family member.. as a "gym-mate".

will endorse him to Marlo for his personal training... ayan at nang maging close sila!

see you at the gym tito!

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tonight, we are planning to have a special surprise father's day celebration to the fathers in the house. syempre surprise nga kaya di nila alam. conivancenamin nila ysa and tita malou.

sagot ko ang cake... si tita ang sa foods...

have to do some printing jobs for the decors, banners and cards....

sana masurprise sila! hahahha!

will post pics soon

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today is the 9th day of my lolo in heaven. Padasal mamaya sa Bulacan and the celebration will be tomrw in time for Mommy's 4th year death anniv and Lola's bday...

looking forward for lots of sugpo and alimango again!!!

It has been 4 days since I had my gym workout.

And now, i feel so bloated. So full that I know I need to regain those trainings and stuffs. I feel that I am gaining these calories again and a 30-minute cardio on the stepper and treadmill is not enough to burn all these. Not to mention the 20-minute handbike exercise (which happens to be my shoul-be-bestfriend-in-all-exercises)

Plus the fact... missing someone so bad kills me. Someone whose helping me through all of these... somebody who helped me achieved my goal... who inspired me go through the hardships and pains...someone whose preparing me for what he called as "pinaghahandaan namin" (whatever is that)

Tomrw, Im sure ill be back there. Burning all these gained calories and stuffs.. having a good time with this uber kulit someone... feeling good again at the end of the day.

Sa totoo lang... sobrang nasanay ako...

And for the past days I haven't been there... merely kulang ang routine ng buhay ko...

Im so excited to be back...

Been on leave for three days...

One of the most saddest days of our lives just happened...

Lolo passed away...

Joining HIM up above... with my mom and lola...

For that three days I was out here at the office... been with my family... my relatives..

Funny that it is only on those times where everybody could get-together again... sa tuwing may namamatay lang nakukumpleto ang angkan..

Seeing my long lost cousins... having their family of their own.. how, inspite of financial unstability, they still manage to stand up and raise their own life.. with smile on their faces. Nothing has changed.. except of course the "additional members" of the family.

I was able to bond with my cousins whom I havent seen or talked for the longest time. Si Raymond... na gwaping pa rin. Kung di pa nalasing di magoopen-up. I was touched to know that you valued our bonding during our childhood days.. and even during the time we were together in one house.. at Don Quijote.. Kung ano man yung mga pinagusapan natin... sa atin na lang yun ha! Si JR... mayaman na! huwag mong alisan ng helmet si Juna ha.. ikaw din, magsisisi ka... si Tintin... sobrang naaamaze ako syo kasi at your very young age.. having 2 kids already... still strong ka pa din... your still the same little girl who never runs out of laughter...

Tita Cora might not be with us but her presence is felt. She always calls. Sana nga lang you're here with us. I know you'll probably read this post, tita ganda! We missed you so much.

Now that lolo is not with us anymore... I wonder... sino pa pupuntahan namin every christmas and new year? wala ng makulit na lolo na sinasabayan ko ng yosi... wala ng sobrang strict na lolo na lagi kang sesermonan kapag may palpak ka...

i have lot my favorite lolo...

sad.. but more of gladness...

coz he's there in heaven... he's with the creator..

no more pains... no more sufferings...

now.. im back to normal...

here in the office... having lots of pending works...

pending loads that was brought in since the day I left on leave...

deadlines... deadlines...

but still lot of changes in my life...

so much I couldn't explain the thrill and happiness that Im feeling...

now, what matters is.. looking forward to something better...

something unexpected...

something real...



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so busy yet so fun

--> FRIDAY <--

An extension of Shaznee's bday.. this time a full celebration! Rain and flood doesn't stop us from pushing through with the party...which was supposed to be held at the rooftop of Rose's unit na nauwi sa terrace na lang.

Hah! For the love of dearie shaz... nagkasya kme nila Kirby and Richard sa pedicab... imagine yung laki ng dalawang yun! (buti na lang sexy ako! hahahaha!) At least we thought of having the pedicab kasi si minnie and trina, nilusong talaga ang baha sa kahabaan ng Mandaluyong.

Happy beeday again shaz!!!

-->SATURDAY<--

Had to do a general house cleaning. I dont know why but there's this urge on me to clean the entire house. Floorwax, bunot, agiw, change curatins, pillowcases, bedsheets... basta as in general cleaning. Para na nga akong nag cardio sa mga ginawa ko. I wonder how many calories did I burned...

By afternoon, I went to the gym... feeling ko kasi ang dami kong kelangan i-burn from last night's party...

And, after my workout...

I realized why I made this general cleaning early that day... It was really worth it... questions answered...

And it was a wonderful night... I enjoyed it...

*wink?*

--> SUNDAY <--

Had to visit my lolo on the hospital at Bulacan. He's blood pressure goes up again and his diabetes attacked him. Im glad I saw him somehow ok.. though he still needs some rest. Ysa and tita malou went with me on the way back to manila... and they decided to stay at my house for the rest of the week...

Went to Mall of Asia with them as a pre-celebration of Ysa's debut and Kyla's 6th birthday today.

--> TODAY <--

Plans to go at Baywalk tonight to celebrate Ysa's birthday. Well, there was suppose to be a party but because of some unexpected circumstances, it has to be this way. Hope everything would be fine and ok...

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Then now I realized.... IM BROKE!!!.. but im HAPPY!!!

Bespren Van Van invaded my crib last night.. for another besty bonding. We're supposed to be three but our everdearest Kute didn't make it... (kase naman may date... lagi na lang kami last priority... huhuhu!!!)

Of course, to the max ang chikkas... updates and more updates... (hay naku nik! that's the consequence of not being present.. syempre pinagusapan ka rin namin! heehehehehe!)

Love lifes... conflicts.. dilemnas.. problems....

Reminiscin old times...

Detailed stories on the May 14th celebration... *wink*

And yeah... we watched my debut celebration (which was wayback 1998) ... seeing how each one of us.. with the exnded barkadas.. has grown and changed...

Van, thanks for appreciating the place... you are always welcome here...

Slept at around 1am...

Kute.. hope you can make it next time... this pic is for you.. suggestion ni vanny... hehehehe!

It's really feels good to have a wonderful and true friends...

for YSA...

in time for my pay cheque and her upcoming 18th birthday on Monday, I treated her out to a pizza and pasta galore at Sbarro in MegaMall.

It was her last day of stay with me also... kaya sige lang.. minsan minsan lang naman e! :-)

I'll miss her so much.. wala nang tambay sa bahay! weee!!!!

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Today's my 4th month here at 1ISA...

and bilis ng oras...parang kelan lang....

seems like it was just yesterday when I started out here...coping up with a new work environment, dealing with new people... and now... i guess I could say that I'm well adjusted already and having a good raport with the peeps here...

I already had couple (or should I say a lot?) of projects accomplished... a sense of fulfillment on my part...

career wise... personal life... everything's seems to go on my way...

isa na lang ang kulang.