Having to deal with confusion, with a question that keeps on playing inside me...

still grasping for an answer....

this caught me...

part of yesterday's gospel...

“Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.”

and the priest's homily say it all...

it was so ironic that we are all grasping for love in this world where everyone has full of love to give. It's just that each and everyone create their own walls.... the reason why every love that we can share are all limited... bounded by our own walls... by doubt.. by fear... of taking risk.

and after the mass... everything on mind was cleared...

before i close my eyes that night... i did what i should do...

and it pays off...

perfectly....

mula kanina pagsakay ko ng mrt... nakarating ako ng sm megamall... sa pizza hut... hanggang dito sa gym...

BAKIT NAGKALAT ANG MGA KOREANS????

Pilipinas na ba ang bagong KOREAN TOWN????

crying hard last night didn't helped...

as i thought it would.

but no... the pain still remains...

inside.

and there's nothing I can do to ease it...

maybe just let it pass... and eventually, hoping things will be all right...

i wanna feel better...

i miss...


the long walk...

the smiles...

the laughters...

the feel of your hand on my back...

holding your hand...

the long talks...

the ring of my phone and seeing your name in it...

your voice...

your hugs...

the movie dates...

the dinner...

the messages...

the way you say "i miss you"...

the stop-overs just to say "hi"...

the serious talks...

our late night stay somewhere...

your visit to my place...

your corny jokes...

your being yourself...

your bloopers...

the way you make me smile...

the way you appreciate me...

and...

YOU.


its not that these are not present anymore... they are, actually...

and im happy you're still here...

its just that... im simply missing them...

just like the way it was before...

its a saturday...

and im working...

no, not office stuffs... but for some other "on-the-side" rackets.

and to be specific:

1. adding photos to the two books im lay-outing. I started the lay-out late last year, and now, im doing the revisions -- typo, change of photos, well mostly the concerns or should I say the "change of mind" of the publisher.

2. Studies for a logo design of a detergent soap. I have to make 5 studies for different products...

3. A label for a distilled water

Good though Im done with almost everything except for #2... which I think would take me until tomrw.

That's why singit muna ko sa blogger... pampatanggal stress...

___________

This morning I found myself crying...

I miss my mom... so much...

I remembered every single thing we've done when she was still here...

I thought... if only you are here... my life could be different...

I should've know what to do... and maybe I wouldn't be in this kind of situation..

Though Im ok with what I have now... where I am, whom I am with... but definitely, things could be different if she didn't left.

You could somehow be a very proud mom... in the same way I felt lot of guilt whith things I have done the moment you left...

And I am sorry... I apologize for those...

and maybe that's why you are always on my dream lately... and your memories haunts me... making me miss you... reminding me that I should be wiser...

I miss you mommy....

I wish you're here...

first off..

this is from my baby....


i love it!

~~~~~~~
january 8, 2007

our dear ms. jean had her pre-birthday celeb with us -- moi, shaznee and minnie -- @ dencios metrowalk.

our first stop was beruchz... unfortunately, naubusan kami ng shawarma... e, that's the reason why we went there... para sa shawarma... e kaso...

so we decided to go to dencios. I was in craving for sisig actually that time.

we had of course sisig, and sinugba... plus syempre.. SML..

but i have to leave early din that night...

may mga iba pa kong dapat ayusin e...

~~~~~

january 13, 2007

We had a visibility for MasterCard at Mall Of Asia. Actually, im one of the volunteer. Malakas sakin si Minnie eh!! and also I wanted to have a change of routine... I wanted to go on field... and since I don't have anything to do that Saturday, I thought it would be great to join the activity.

For this visibility study, we have to check every store around the mall and see what are the existing / displayed collaterals for MasterCard and it's competitor. It wasn't that tiring since we are divided into teams and each teams were given an assigned area.

We started at 10am and done by around 3:00pm...

~~~~~~~~~

january 15, 2007

Toxic.

We had our photoshoot for our company's website.

Official Photographer: MOI

Whole day, all I did was to click that shutter on different angles of people, things, and stuffs related to office.

So tiring...

Burned-out...

but had fun though....

... and check

stop for a while...

breath.

have space.

... and then decide.

i am doing my "Performance Appraisal Form" while doing this post. Sakit sa ulo. This is a performance evaluation intended by the management in order for us to be rated to commensurate rewards. Here at the office kasi, officers usually receives a "profit sharing" equally. But now, management decided to give the PS based on performance. And this will also be the basis for the 14th and 15th month bonuses. Aside from accomplishments, there's also a part where I have to rate myself and explain why I gave myself that rating, and my commitment for 2007.

I already have some inputs but still... talagang goodluck... di ako makaconcentrate...

anyway...

kwentuhan muna tayo...

nakikita nyo to?


isang trip yan nung Friday night. Sa bahay nila Shaz... It was suppose to be a "barbeque party" turned out to be a "fashion show trip!"



eto lang ang trip namin dapat. tambay lang. Kwentuhan. Konting SML and barbeque... e ksi medyo boring... nagkakatamaran.. kaya etong si shawee nagaya sa kwarto nya.. nood daw dvd... biglang si trina nagsukat ng isang bagong biling damit ni shaz... ayan at sunod sunod na!

Sabi ni shaz... mag tube tayong lahat! tapos sabi ni minz... "fashion show tayo"!

kaya eto resulta...

You can't really have it all...

I realize...everything that happens to us merely relies on the choices we make... on how we deal with things and how we make our decisions.

And, once we settled on something, we just have to stand for it and be prepared to any consequences that may occur... be it good or bad.

At this point of my life, I have to make a choice. And it's only me who can decide... a choice that's too risky to take... and i am afraid to pick the wrong one... afraid that I might regret it in the end.

what ifs....

Cards are already laid... and it's my turn to make my act...im afraid... still hoping something might happen... i wanted a sure ball... but how?

I can never tell... only time can... but until when can I stand this?

I choose to stay.... not because this is what I think is right..but because this is what I wanted...

and it's not easy...

No more resolutions... no more checklists...

i just wanted to make everything right...

come what may... following my heart... using my mind...

Grow... understand things... valuing people... and relationships...

Thanking every little thing that comes to my life...

and just being myself...

I hope I can make it...