BITS AND PIECES

i am now at a point where i finally decided to open my hand and let go of that one thing i held so close in my life for so long... i don't know if it is the right time to do this but i realized i came to a full stop and there's nothing more that i can give. Naubos na... nasagad na... gustuhin ko man magbigay pa, wala na akong mailabas...

for two years i have been with this person i thought was someone who would be with me forever. we've been through a lot... facing ups and downs... for two years i always give him my benefit of the doubt... despite of all the "proofs" of accusing him to be someone he always denied as him, still i believed in him... because he asked for TRUST.

sad, it happened to be that the character he used to show me was far (so far) different from his true self. and what hurts is that the truth came not from him but from his family, who apparently became so close to my heart... and up until now he never said anything about it... patuloy nya pa rin akong pinapaniwala...

and inspite of that i choose to stay... knowing that he needs me now more than anything. And that's what i thought. as time came to its near end, i am starting to feel that he's pushing me away... and sometimes it seems na ako pa ang humihingi ng attention to be there for him... and obviously, he wanted somebody else on his side right now... and that's not me.

masakit. yug harap-harapan nakikita mo na may hinahanap syang iba. and all you can do is back off... inspite of all the sacrifices and efforts you gave him. sometimes i dont need to ask him "why" because i already knew the answer...

as much as possible i never wanted to leave him. BECAUSE HE IS DYING. but what choice do i have if i can see clearly he never wanted me to be there... and it hurts most knowing that up until the end, he's lying to me... pretending to be somebody else...

last night, narealize ko "pagod na ko". i have to find my self-worth... i have to pick up the pieces of broken me...

some would say that maybe this is not the time to leave him, because he's still here and would be needing me more... but i guess, he already let me go... and doing this right now could save me from this insanity.

siguro sa buong 2 taon na binuhos ko para sa kanya, panahon naman ngayon na sarili ko ang asikasuhin ko...