BITS AND PIECES

i am now at a point where i finally decided to open my hand and let go of that one thing i held so close in my life for so long... i don't know if it is the right time to do this but i realized i came to a full stop and there's nothing more that i can give. Naubos na... nasagad na... gustuhin ko man magbigay pa, wala na akong mailabas...

for two years i have been with this person i thought was someone who would be with me forever. we've been through a lot... facing ups and downs... for two years i always give him my benefit of the doubt... despite of all the "proofs" of accusing him to be someone he always denied as him, still i believed in him... because he asked for TRUST.

sad, it happened to be that the character he used to show me was far (so far) different from his true self. and what hurts is that the truth came not from him but from his family, who apparently became so close to my heart... and up until now he never said anything about it... patuloy nya pa rin akong pinapaniwala...

and inspite of that i choose to stay... knowing that he needs me now more than anything. And that's what i thought. as time came to its near end, i am starting to feel that he's pushing me away... and sometimes it seems na ako pa ang humihingi ng attention to be there for him... and obviously, he wanted somebody else on his side right now... and that's not me.

masakit. yug harap-harapan nakikita mo na may hinahanap syang iba. and all you can do is back off... inspite of all the sacrifices and efforts you gave him. sometimes i dont need to ask him "why" because i already knew the answer...

as much as possible i never wanted to leave him. BECAUSE HE IS DYING. but what choice do i have if i can see clearly he never wanted me to be there... and it hurts most knowing that up until the end, he's lying to me... pretending to be somebody else...

last night, narealize ko "pagod na ko". i have to find my self-worth... i have to pick up the pieces of broken me...

some would say that maybe this is not the time to leave him, because he's still here and would be needing me more... but i guess, he already let me go... and doing this right now could save me from this insanity.

siguro sa buong 2 taon na binuhos ko para sa kanya, panahon naman ngayon na sarili ko ang asikasuhin ko...

for 3 days i haven't been to the hospital... as per your request. because you said its your time with your family... for your spiritual healing...

it was so hard for me. i wanted to be at your side... i wanted to be with you... but it's you who told me to rest for a while...

that 3 days gave me the chance to reflect and think. i realized, i also have my own life to live. that i have to start moving on.

yes i love you so much, and i will do everything that i can to make you happy. but now, its different. Its God's call. and all we need to do is to surrender to Him everything.

and when you said that I can see you today... i thought maybe its my time to say goodbye. that later could be the last time that I can see you.. "could be" coz i dont know when will be the next. i know this is too much hard for you.. and i know that there are more important people in your life that you would want to spent time with...

but inspite of all that, you know that i am just right here.. i'll just wait for that time when you would call me and tell me you want to spend some time with me... but for now, i will just back my way off but that doesn't mean i am totally leaving you. i would just give you all the time and space you need... you will always be here in my heart... and i would definitely be waiting for that time... because you know i never wanted to leave you.

and if in case we never see each other again, i'll remember what you've told me ... that we will still see each other... not here... maybe in some other place...

as for now all i can do is to pray for you... for your heart.. for us... for me.. for more strength.

and always remember the love that i gave you and will continually giving you till the end...

i love you so much and i don't wanna be selfish... I'll give you everything you want... even if it means sacrificing my longing to be with you...

"magkikita pa tayo ulit... but maybe in another place..."

one of the words you told me last night.

as much as possible i want to spent the rest of the remaining time with you. i wanted to be at your side till the end.

but i cant... you need to spend time with your family too. and i understand. our talk last night gave me the strength to hold on.

i love you so much.

and you said "i love you too".

i never wanted to leave you last night. your stare makes me wanna hold you tight. because i know it could be the last time that I can hold you, see you and hug you. the way you grasp my hand tells me i have to be ready...

i know i should. 3-6 months is just too short... you are too young to leave...

and we kissed... for the first time....it was the most heartfelt thing we did.

thank you for letting me know that up until the end... you loved me so much... in your own reasons... what we've been through showed me the real meaning of unconditional love.

and you asked me if we could have our family of our own... yes we will... just be strong to fight this test... God will always be on our side... and everything will be fine.

if this is goodbye, i know its just temporary.

yes.. we will see each other again... soon.

i love you so much... marlo.

not even in my imagination did i expect things to turn this way. everything just happened so fast.

and today, more than anything else, is the time i know you need me as your friend.

and i will never leave you... up till the end.

if it means staying at that hospital until God knows when, to take care of you the whole day... staying awake at night to make sure you are feeling well... even if it means i have to ignore work stress and attend to you right after work...

which i am doing right now.

i wouldn't get tired... i will do it again and again if that's what it takes for you to feel better.

i can see you in pain... you cry because of unbearable pain...

even after a hurtful revelation of your character, i forgive you... and i will stay because i can't take leaving you in your situation.

because i know you even never wanted this thing to happen.

because i love you.

and i know you loved me more because you never allowed this sickness to get into me.

i should've gotten mad of you... i could've left you the moment i learned the truth... and i shouldn't even have to care about you...

but then anger would just kill me...

and i cannot push myself to hate you.

and i would stay true to our promise...

first time ko to ginawa...

woke up 3am for my 5am flight to Iloilo. Arrived at Iloilo at 6:30 am.. headed straight to San Jose, Antique to train one (1) [yes!!! only one] Petron Station. It was a three-hour land trip from Iloilo City. Rented a taxi to be my service.. since it would just be a quickie training, i thought it would be best if I have a service because madugo ang public transpo experience dun. Rough road... alikabok... non-aircon bus.... kmusta naman yun di ba? Arrived at San Jose Antique by 9:30am...did the training for 30 or 45 minutes... then went back to Iloilo City.

my taxi fare reached to 2,300.. and si manong driver humirit ng additional 200 kasi daw hinintay nya ko habang nagtratrain... hay!!!

arrived at Iloilo City by 1pm... wala akong choice kundi maglibot kasi 5pm pa flight ko back to Manila...

what I did was... took a nap... at the cinema of SM Iloilo.. hahahaha!!!!

It was a very tiring day... ang nakakapagod is the travel... mas matagal pa ang byahe ko sa mismong purpose ko dun...

hay...

sorry no pics... ganun talaga pag mag-isa lang...

to...




.. oo balikan ito. kmusta naman?????

soon.

Im used calling him Marlo. But lately... nasasanay na rin ako na tawagin syang "yani".

Spent the weekend with them...

Prepared a little surprise party for his birthday... i brought ingredients for auntie's all time favorite baked macaroni. Bought cake (as choosen by maila) and balloons...

That time I am hoping he could come. Kasi nasa 40 temperature nya. It's been a week ng trangkaso and he's not yet well...

Pero dahil sa powers ng kanyang little sisters... it was a success!!!



stayed there until sunday afternoon. nagpaka nurse muna ako sa knya for the weekend...


i hope you get well soon... kahit dindi pa nagsisink-in sayo yung birthday mo... we're happyy to at least gave you something you'll remember....

and i know that you know how much we love you....

it was my first time to eat an oyster. hehehe!

Baked oyster with garlic and cheese... with a bit of tabasco sauce... at Oyster Boy. Tastes good... it was. Not like how I perceived it to be seeing my dad wayback eating a raw oyster. I thought it was "malansa" or something but having tried it last night, i might order it again next time. :-)

Thanks to dennis, a new friend i knew and met last night.

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tomorrow would be the day i have waited for in the past couple of days...

i really hope my effort would be appreciated.

ok.. so here's a snap details of our cebu trip..

why are we there? as usual.. for PETRON-SM ADVANTAGE Activation/Training. Simple, just to train Petron Staffs on how to give points to SM Advantage Cardholders when they gas up to their stations. 27 stations, all in 5 days...

Stayed at Rajah Park Hotel along Fuente Osmena. It has a free wifi connection at the lounge (yahoooo!!!) and a very very good sumptuous (free) breakfast which Minnie and I were looking forward to every morning...

Our Activities:

Day 1

~ Dinner at Larshan. Panalo ang bbq.. costs 4pesos each plus the "puso", a rice wrapped in "balat ng saging", which costs only 2pesos..

Day 2

~ Trained 7 stations straight... I wandered along the whole city of Cebu.
~ Dinner at Kaininan ni Kuya Jay. The best food ever. It was the best meal we've had during our 5 day stay here. Tried Grilled Pusit, Tuna Belly and chopsuey. Panalo talaga! You guys should try here when you got the channce.. Located at Orchids St., near Fuente Osmena.

Day 3

~ Trained 3 Stations
~ Did MasterCard visibility study as SM Cebu
~ Dinner at City Grill. Billiards after. This is a place where you will choose what you want and then they will cook it for you. Parang "dampa" dito sa manila. So we had sizzling squid and inihaw na liempo.


Day 4
~ Tambuli Beach Resort. Which, hmmm... we were not that overwhelmed... pero ok na rin. Had only day tour trip that costs 350 (300 consumable for food). Maybe because of the not-so-good weather.



~ Trained 2 stations
~ Bought some pasalubongs at SM. We were supposed to buy at Shamrock pero naman! doble ang price compared to SM. Kaya pala most of the bakasyonistas, sa SM na lang din bumibili.
~ Tried the local lechon manok.

Day 5
~ Went to Sto. Nino Church
~ Magellan's Cross


~ Bought danggit
~ Trained 2 stations
~ Visibility study at Ayala Center

We need to fly back to Manila by Sunday evening... tired, stressed.. pero still we had fun.

.... sa pagbabalik, CEBU.



for more pics, click here

we are just so early for our flight back to manila. 2 hours before our flight, we already checked-in... good thing though we were able to get a good seat...

we're here at macta airport waiting for our flight...

medyo nagkaproblem lang k minnie because of her mango puree... pero ok na naman..

will post details soon of this cebu trip...

back to reality tmrw.. hahaha... back to ofc...

hay!!!