im going out-of-town again this weekend.
destination: Oroquieta, Ozamis City in the morning to train one Petron station. After the training, Minnie (who's then in Bukidnon) and I will meet at Cagayan De Oro and spend our Sunday there.
Hopefully, we could do the White Water Rafting, which we always plan before. And now that we have the chance, i really hope to enjoy the thing.
And, yeah.. im going to meet a new friend, as introduced by my dear Jaymie (through YM) who happened to be bases at CDO. They've known each other for more than 2 years and just recently, last Monday to be exact, jaymie asked me if she could introduce to me her friend... and there... so far, ok naman...
Just so happened that we were abruptly scheduled for a training there... timing lang. *wink*
hope things would be fun... part of "reformatting" my system.... hahahahah!!
it was like the whole day i am doing nothing at the office... internet, limewire, facebook.... waaaahhh!!!! feeling ko tuloy wala akong kwenta...
i am feeling great because slowly i am able to cross this state of emotional and mental torture caused by what happened recently. this is an accomplishment for me. *big grin*
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will meet besty nikay later for Trina's wedding invite. I can't believe i am (still) invited. *big big grin* (again)
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i hope we could start working on our charity work christmas activity... soon..
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sooooo bored.
* jaymie introduced me to facebook.. and ngayon, ito ang bago kong kina-aadictan... give it a try... www.facebook.com
* a new hang-out place every sunday after church : witch's brew @ blu wave (dito masarap na mura pa.. may libreng wi-fi pa!)
* macky - my new baby toy...
* a new perspective in life... keep quiet, still and do not go down to the level of people who doesn't seem to know what they're doing.
* now smiling
* new life
We had a meeting earlier for our upcoming Christmas Party (as usual, I am once again part of the committee). I am very much glad that I have this thing to keep me busy. And I love being part of company activities like this.
In a nutshell, we were thinking of celebrating Christmas with the less fortunate instead of spending a lot for ourselves. We thought of spending it in an orphanage. An all-out children's party. I loved the idea. I actually have something in mind while everyone is discussing the details.
I love kids. I really do.
And this comes to me: a chance for me to make a difference in my life. Maybe I could find a kid there and then make it a point to spend some time with that kid every week.. maybe once or twice a week. maybe this is a chance for me to share my time with someone who needs care and attention... its been so long since i wanted to have a kid of my own. and at this point in time i really don't have any way to have one (of course unless i have a family of my own).
i just thought of making a change. Its always been that the love i usually give to some people always turned out to be "unappreciated". so why not give it to some innocent kid who would surely cherish everything that i could share?
this idea gave me a different perspective. if this would push through, i really think it would make me happy and feel accomplished.
i shared this thought on one of my officemates and she said "baka naman timandang dalaga ka ng tuluyan nyan?" And I said, "di naman siguro.. e di aampunin ko pag kaya ko na... at least may anak ako... "
just something for a change... and for a good deed...
i am starting a new step in my life...
i'm pretty sure this is going to be hard for me. but i have to do it. for my own self's sake.
so anyone who who want to make things easy for me, you are most welcome... i would appreciate it... *wink*
... and to you, i know they would take care of you, more than i could. thanks for everything... you've given me a lot of lessons in life... you'll always be a part of my life...till then....
___________________
part of moving on...
a bonding time with my favorite tita and cuzins....
Timezone Greenbelt 3, November 2, 2007
Global Fun Carnival, November 3, 2007
Dinner at Witchbrew, Blu Wave... November 4, 2007... do not trust easily.
... believe in the power of your instinct.
... loving unconditionally is not bad, you just have to spare something for yourself.
... learn not to expect.
... trust GOD.
and everyting else will fall on its proper places.
i am now at a point where i finally decided to open my hand and let go of that one thing i held so close in my life for so long... i don't know if it is the right time to do this but i realized i came to a full stop and there's nothing more that i can give. Naubos na... nasagad na... gustuhin ko man magbigay pa, wala na akong mailabas...
for two years i have been with this person i thought was someone who would be with me forever. we've been through a lot... facing ups and downs... for two years i always give him my benefit of the doubt... despite of all the "proofs" of accusing him to be someone he always denied as him, still i believed in him... because he asked for TRUST.
sad, it happened to be that the character he used to show me was far (so far) different from his true self. and what hurts is that the truth came not from him but from his family, who apparently became so close to my heart... and up until now he never said anything about it... patuloy nya pa rin akong pinapaniwala...
and inspite of that i choose to stay... knowing that he needs me now more than anything. And that's what i thought. as time came to its near end, i am starting to feel that he's pushing me away... and sometimes it seems na ako pa ang humihingi ng attention to be there for him... and obviously, he wanted somebody else on his side right now... and that's not me.
masakit. yug harap-harapan nakikita mo na may hinahanap syang iba. and all you can do is back off... inspite of all the sacrifices and efforts you gave him. sometimes i dont need to ask him "why" because i already knew the answer...
as much as possible i never wanted to leave him. BECAUSE HE IS DYING. but what choice do i have if i can see clearly he never wanted me to be there... and it hurts most knowing that up until the end, he's lying to me... pretending to be somebody else...
last night, narealize ko "pagod na ko". i have to find my self-worth... i have to pick up the pieces of broken me...
some would say that maybe this is not the time to leave him, because he's still here and would be needing me more... but i guess, he already let me go... and doing this right now could save me from this insanity.
siguro sa buong 2 taon na binuhos ko para sa kanya, panahon naman ngayon na sarili ko ang asikasuhin ko...
for 3 days i haven't been to the hospital... as per your request. because you said its your time with your family... for your spiritual healing...
it was so hard for me. i wanted to be at your side... i wanted to be with you... but it's you who told me to rest for a while...
that 3 days gave me the chance to reflect and think. i realized, i also have my own life to live. that i have to start moving on.
yes i love you so much, and i will do everything that i can to make you happy. but now, its different. Its God's call. and all we need to do is to surrender to Him everything.
and when you said that I can see you today... i thought maybe its my time to say goodbye. that later could be the last time that I can see you.. "could be" coz i dont know when will be the next. i know this is too much hard for you.. and i know that there are more important people in your life that you would want to spent time with...
but inspite of all that, you know that i am just right here.. i'll just wait for that time when you would call me and tell me you want to spend some time with me... but for now, i will just back my way off but that doesn't mean i am totally leaving you. i would just give you all the time and space you need... you will always be here in my heart... and i would definitely be waiting for that time... because you know i never wanted to leave you.
and if in case we never see each other again, i'll remember what you've told me ... that we will still see each other... not here... maybe in some other place...
as for now all i can do is to pray for you... for your heart.. for us... for me.. for more strength.
and always remember the love that i gave you and will continually giving you till the end...
i love you so much and i don't wanna be selfish... I'll give you everything you want... even if it means sacrificing my longing to be with you...
